My friend’s dad used to make us put shoes on when there was a thunderstorm cuz he heard that "if we're barefoot the whole family could get electrocuted." #DadQuotes
It’s Hashtags time! Tag a tweet with #DadQuotes and then tell us about a funny or weird thing your dad has said. Could be on the show!
Some #WednesdayWisdom from our favorite dad. ❤️ #DadQuotes
"Democrats hate America and Mexico is doing more for the American public than our own Congress."
-President Dad Trump
“Well, it’s 1 AM. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.“ – Homer Simpson #DadQuotes #TheSimpsons
"Well, you guys, we did it. We finally went to a restaurant without somebody yelling at us, and the rest of the place applauding them." 👏
We've all heard this before... 😅 #DadQuotes #Empire
"I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'"
~DeanMartin #DadQuotes https://t.co/HWPGqChsMv
My grandfather, sitting in the post op room after having glaucoma surgery with me, a nurse and my grandmother. I see his zipper is down and tell him that it's down. At 80 years old, doesn't miss a beat, and just replies with "What can't get up, can't get out" #dadquotes
No longer will the common man get the short end of the stick. @ebuyhouseinc
is here to fight for you. @ebuyhouseinc
#LoadedChickenFajitas #6YearsWithOurHomeBTS #WednesdayWisdom #Pulse #DadQuotes #BlackmenDontCheat
#DadQuotes The other day we saw someone sniff a coupon. My dad looked at me, dead serious, and said “That’s how you know the coupon’s still good.”
Dad about to look at the check: What’s the damage?
If it’s called the Just Bacon Burger, do I have to order the lettuce and pickles separately? - #DadsOfChilis #DadQuotes
One time we were in Church and the priest said “Let us Pray “ towards the end and my dad said “What the hell have we been doing for the past hour?” #DadQuotes
Me, as an adult: "Dad, how did you ever get through the holidays dealing with everything?"
Dad: "Gin and Tonic"
#DadQuotes "Do as I say, not as I do"....#Hypocrisy!
#dadquotes my dad said he wishes there was a place for women to stay at like the YMCA.
After a group of neighborhood kids were caught pulling their pants down, my mother was mortified. She marched my brother and I into the house for a talking to from our dad. His advice?
"Boys, keep your pants on 'til you're married."
#DadQuotes whenever he would hear someone glorify a person who had died. “Everybody loves you when you’re dead”
Are you trying to heat up the whole neighborhood? Close the door! #DadQuotes
“Can’t Never Did Anything” #DadQuotes
My father in law works at Denver’s Coors Field. Told us “I had to kick some singer out of the ballgame today. I think his name was Pop Rocks.” It was Kid Rock. #dadquotes @jimmyfallon
Left my purse in my dad’s car when he drops me off. He parks so he can walk it back to me inside.
Just then my bf pulls into the lot & rolls down the window to say hi.
Dad says, “Be honest, does this purse make my a** look fat?”
#DadQuotes #thatsmydad #goingfortwo
#dadquotes My dad never got names/titles right. He once referred to the movie Napoleon Dynamite as “Napoleon Blown Apart”.
There's nothing more sacred than a man's word.
whenever he measures somethin or tosses somethin in a general direction he says “close enough for the women i date” hes been married for 40 years #DadQuotes
Showing our age:
My dad would call and ask me to fax back the document he just faxed me, so he could have a copy of it. #DadQuotes
My dad often references old music none of us have ever heard of before. Someone will say “I think it’s supposed to snow tomorrow” and he’ll say “there’s a song about that!” #DadQuotes
Kid: my leg hurts
Me: how's your face feel
Me: cus it's killing me
Kid: I’m hungry (Hungary)
Dad: I’m Denmark, and I call this UN meeting to order!
My dad's response to a cop who stopped to see why his truck was pulled off the side of the road..."the world just went flat". Unbeknownst to the cop, he was hauling a decorated 8 foot wide chicken wire globe for a parade float. #DadQuotes
My father in law works at Denver’s Coors Field. Told us “I had to kick some singer out of the ballgame today. I think his name was Pop Rocks.” It was Kid Rock. #dadquotes
One time, I was looking at the Thankgiving layout we couldn't eat for an hour. My dad caught me staring at the food, and told me to wait.
Me: "But I'm hungry!"
Dad: "Whatever, Garfield."
He calls me Garfield whenever I stare at food, but this was in front of my cousins
Every Thanksgiving my dad asks if we've heard about the recall on the @butterball
turkeys and someone forgets inevitably says "no!" he then gets to say "they forgot to butter the balls" and then laughs his head off #DadQuotes
Gramps always said “If you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough” whenever we did something stupid #DadQuotes
“Hurry up, kids. Tempus is fugiting!” #DadQuotes
Any time my dad had to pay bills he would say “why couldn’t I have been born rich instead of good looking?” #DadQuotes
We were watching Grease on TV when dad walks through the room and says “let me know when sandy shows up to the carnival in the ‘hot’ pants.” #DadQuotes
“A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips.” #DadQuotes
“You know how much money they made on that song? Enough that you don’t have to help them sing it.”
We were walking into church with a guy I had a crush on. The guy had on a basketball charity shirt that said "I shot for Christ." Dad, with no context walks up to him and says "Did ya hit him?" #DadQuotes
“I’m gonna go see if they have any dude clothes on sale” my dad says as we walk into the store. #DadQuotes
“I always picture wine-o’s going inside Spec’s and freezing up and passing out. Too many choices.” #DadQuotes
In response to my reference to the old "slow and steady" adage, my dad said, "Slow and steady does NOT win the race, but it is good exercise I guess." #DadQuotes